*HEADS UP* I’m not a fan of writing so sorry if it sounds like I’m all over the place!
I could remember being in high school knowing what I wanted to pursue in life which at the time was to become a law enforcement officer. For some of my friends who are just finding this out about me, you’re probably laughing at the image of little Layah arresting people and fighting crime... I know.
Constantly I would hear “Are you sure you want to do that?”, “You’re so small”... however, I did not care and I knew this was what I wanted to do and my mind was made up. Time went on and I officially began my college career majoring in Criminal Justice.
Fast forward...
“What do you want to do after you graduate college?”...
The question I dreaded hearing because I wasn’t sure of the answer. I used to get excited to begin this conversation with people but now, I felt lost. I hadn’t settled in my mind what I wanted to do. I thought I knew what I wanted but things had changed. My interests were changing as I was developing passion for different and new things that I had never discovered before. I was still interested in Criminal Justice and the relevancy it had in our world but it was different than before. As I learned about all of the possibilities of this field, law enforcement became the last thing on my mind. I realized how broad Criminal Justice was and started to look in other directions, more specifically Juvenile Justice. Long story short, that wasn’t exactly it either. I felt off track.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen because it wasn’t apart of the plan and it’s not how this usually works."
This clouded my mind often..
Eventually, I started noticing the potential and possibilities in my passions and what God’s plan was for me. Looking back on things, it all had purpose. Example, I’ve always loved drawing. I would be in class tuned out drawing (after I had finished my class work of course lol). I would hand make things and post them on my wall and have notebooks full of drawings. However, that was as far as I could go. So I thought. Then I began to to discover ways that I could turn my drawings into digital illustrations. Next, I found myself getting paid to make logos. Pretty soon, I was making flyers for church and then getting paid to make event flyers outside of church. There were constantly new levels to be reached and as I was discovering them, I became more and more passionate. And let’s not get started with music. I can remember being so timid and shy in choir rehearsal at church and school as I was whispering the songs. But I would get home and just have an entire concert while I was in the shower. My mom would record me singing at home and threaten to let people hear it lol. And I was terrified! Fast forward, I’ve grown so much in ministry and learning to lead worship and building my gift. I’m blessed to be able to travel and see the world with a record label and minister with some of the greatest people and artists out right now. I am thankful.
In my mind and in my environment based on what I had seen and been exposed to, my options were small. I never imagined that I would be where I am today. It was always “Go to school. Get your degree. Become a police officer.” And even that was a reach for me. Often I doubted myself because it what I was trying to reach was beyond what I could see.
I couldn’t input other options or paths in my mind because I was so limited (I thought I was). I didn’t know any photographers, graphic designers, website developers, I wasn’t as involved in ministry, I never thought I would lead worship on Sundays and the list goes on. I had never read a blog that I can recall let alone create my own. I’m almost tearing up as I am writing this just thinking about the day I went to get my passport and reminiscing on my first flight ever which so happened to be out of the country to South Africa. My heart is filled with gratitude and willingness for whatever God has for me.
I’m excited to be graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in CJ pretty soon! Some may say “Why waste the time and money if you know it’s not exactly what you want to do?” Great question! For me personally, it goes far beyond money and time. I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained! Getting a degree is a huge monument for myself and within my family and in the lives of my children, grandchildren and generations to come. Today, I love when people see me with a camera in my hand or drawing in my notebook, and they ask “What are you studying?”. After they hear my answer, they usually give a confused yet interested to hear more face and it makes me smile. I smile because I am okay with the process. It’s one of the many constant reminders and signs of growth for me personally. I am not the same person I used to be. I understand that with each new chapter and level in my life, a new version of me is required. Fear cannot win over change. And if I am scared, I've learned to do it anyways lol. This mindset has gotten me to where I am today. I am able to be a testament of change. Hopefully this small but impactful chapter of my book will encourage others to be okay with change and embracing new things that will enhance you as a person.