Lately, I’ve found myself in a place I never thought I would be. Having to make tough decisions regarding my capacity. My capacity to carry the load of others. My capacity to say yes to every opportunity and task presented to me. My capacity to say yes to the needs of everyone around me. The capacity to over extend myself. Previously, I had always felt like I could do it all and I loved it.
I’ve been torn with the reality that I will not always be able to do it all. I keep trying to convince myself that I can squeeze this in, and squeeze that in, and do this and that.
Recently, I realized that I was busy but unproductive. I was stretching myself so thin that I wasn’t putting my best foot forward and… make sense? Here’s another way to express it… 50 things/people were getting 10% of me rather than 20 things/people getting at least 100% of me! I knew I wanted and was capable of giving more in certain areas but things became exhausting. At school thinking about work, at work thinking about other work, etc. I was trying to put everything and everyone at the top of my priority list when realistically, that is difficult if not impossible. It creates a burnout. This was even affecting me creatively.
In all honestly, I am still struggling with this! I love being able to do everything, helping people and filling in the gap where I can but I don’t like disappointing myself or others because of my inability to balance and prioritize. It is hard to say no. Not saying no because I do not want to do it but no because I can’t put the adequate amount of time and energy into it. With this, I realized that I am not taking advantage of my time. Watching Youtube videos (that are not expanding or pushing me creatively) when I have more important things to do or could be watching something that I can use and grow from. Excessively on social media. It is very easy to get consumed in the things that may not be valuable or meaningful. Not grasping enough discipline or the concept that there is a time for everything.
As I am learning what is really important and valuable for my future, including SELF CARE (I haven’t had my nails painted in about 2 months and if you know me, I stay having a nice mani lol), I am excited and grateful for growth and this realization. I am also grateful for the opportunity and chance to realign myself and take a step back to launch forward.
I feel that many people around me struggle with this as well. Being busy but not productive. Some of us realize it, some of us have not come to this yet, some of us have mastered this for where we are right now. Where are you? Can you relate?
My prayer is that as our capacity expands, because we are always growing, that we really understand what our purpose is and how the things we choose to be apart of reflect this. That we don’t get burnt out because we are grateful for the time that we have and we are not wasteful of it. I pray that even as we are experiencing changing points such as these that our minds are at peace. That we remain positive and charged to be a better version of ourselves in every opportunity possible.
How are you using your 168 hours a week? (Thanks CoCo)… 168 hours a week!!!
Wanna talk more? Feel free to comment your thoughts or email me personally!